Facing The Facts
by Imogene
Summary: Buffy owes Angel a big apology for her behavior, but what if Angel doesn't even want to see her?


Title: Facing the Facts  
  
Author: Imogene  
  
Disclaimer: none of characters mine, all belong to Joss Whedon, WB, Kazui, Mutant Enemy etc, don't sue me. Thank you.  
  
Rating: PG-13 so far, I may go higher, I don't know  
  
Spoilers: 'Who Am I?', 'Expecting' 'Sanctuary' 'Where Wild things are  
  
Summary: Buff was so rude & cruel to Angel, I wanted to hit her. She's become really cold and bitchy since Angel left. I've decided to take her down a peg or two, by the only person who can!  
  
Note: Sanctuary really upset me. I couldn't believe Buffy was so horrible to him poor guy! I just wanted to hug Angel and bring Buff back begging for his forgiveness. HOW can she be happy with Fishboy?!?  
  
This is set before Buffy goes back to Sunnydale, Buffy doesn't say 'see faith wins again' and walks off, so Angel doesn't tell Wes he wants to go to Buff to apologise (shouldn't SHE apologise to him?!?) also the 'Angel' ep that week 'Expecting' assume it happened at exactly the same time as ' Who Am I?" this story hasn't been beta'ed if anyone would like the job, feel free to contact me  
  
*******  
  
"who do you think you are?! Who appointed you judge jury and executioner?!" Angel said, his dark eyes flashing menacingly "You have NO right coming here, we're ex's Faith has nothing to do with you, she's MY responsibility, you wanna kill her? YOU become a murderer like Faith oh and me, I'm a murderer aren't I Buffy?" he sneered. Buffy gazed at him, not once had he ever spoken to her like that...she couldn't think of a single retort, but that didn't matter as Angel clearly wasn't finished  
  
"I've had it with you lashing out at me every time something goes wrong in your life, I'm not a part of your life anymore- remember. It's not my fault Faith did that to you. I don't want to know about your boyfriend or your great life. I've got too much to deal with without you barging in, what if you got Cordy or Wes killed in your quest for revenge?! Did you WANT Faith to continue the way she was- I wanted to help her- you were just to blinded with rage to see that" he snapped, Buffy was shocked to see the anger in his eyes.  
  
She'd rarely seen him this mad before, and it had never been directed at her. "I'm sick of your attitude problem, so Faith blackened your life for a bit? Would you forgive Willow if she went psychotic and ruined your life, then regained her sanity again, if she came to me would your barge in again and risk everyone's lives? I don't want you coming again Buffy, unless it's apocalyptic stuff, I. Don't. Care. Just stay out of my and my friends lives, and Buff you wanna be enemies? I can do that."  
  
Without a second glance at her, Angel bolted out the door. Buffy could only stare at his rapidly retreating figure. She hadn't ever seen him so mad, it scared her. In all the years she had known him, he'd never once raised his voice at her, not even when he was Angelus. For the first time she noticed how tired Angel looked. A bone-weary tiredness that sleep couldn't cure, he was clearly exhausted. He had always been so calm in tense situations, always the one to hold the group together, who had always taken responsibility for everyone, but now things were different. His priorities had changed, just as he had.  
  
When she saw Wesley, Cordy and Angel together it made her heart ache at how close they were- how she, Willow, Xander and Giles had been at one point. Seeing them together made her realise how far they had all drifted apart, and it upset her.  
  
She had forgotten just how big L.A. was, Sunnydale was a small, sleepy town – LA was huge and Angel had to take care of it all by himself. He didn't have a 'Scooby Gang' to help him fight evil- sure he had Cordy and Wesley, who were his family, Cordelia got the visions and Wesley did the research, but neither fought. That was left solely to Angel. But she didn't have that excuse, she wasn't 'one every generation' now, because of first Kendra, then Faith. She had always had people to help her fight- usually Angel, he had always been her favourite sparing partner, because they had always been so in-tune with each other.  
  
Giles, Willow and Xander had always been there to back her up, even Cordelia had proven her bravery on occasion. With Willow's practise in magick she was becoming more and more powerful, and was a valuable ally to Buffy, and combined with Tara's magickal ability they were both very powerful. Now she had Riley, the Initiative and Spike to help her fight, Angel had none of these people to help,  
  
She was amazed at Wesley and Cordelia's growth. She found she could easily respect Wesley now, his pompous attitude had been brushed off to reveal a very bright, caring, sincere man. Cordelia too her bravery and loyalty to Angel amazed Buffy. She never would have guessed the two would become such good friends, she thought back to all the times when Cordelia had tried to date Angel, but he had been far too in love with Buffy to notice, how things change.  
  
Angel himself had grown, in Sunnydale, his life had revolved round her. She was the only thing that had made his life bearable, and she had loved it. They had both been so innocent and naïve in there love, and it had been wonderful to have such an amazing man willing to do anything for you- willing to die for you. His life now revolved round LA and nothing to do with her, he was dedicated to helping the helpless, and protecting his family, he'd never had real friends before- not since he regained his soul. Briefly she wondered how he had coped for over 100 years with virtually no companionship, no contact with others- demons or humans…and it suddenly made her realise despite all his protests at how weak- mentally he was she had never known a stronger person, mentally, physically or emotionally. She found a whole new respect for this amazing man she had loved so completely and utterly- and still did.  
  
I have someone in my life now, it's not the same as what we had, it's new. You know what makes it new? I trust him  
  
Buffy cringed at the words she had spoken to him, she re-called a time when she was Angel's fiercest champion- along with Willow, she never would have heard a bad word said about him, but now....how could she have said that to him?!  
  
What kind of person was she becoming, she knew she never would have flung something like that in Angel's face before.  
  
I'm sorry I can't join your club- I've never murdered anyone!  
  
She thought back to previous times when she had hurt him with her words, but those times he had simply taken the abuse, now he fought back....he didn't agree with her on everything- because she wasn't his everything anymore.  
  
He had changed - he had grown. For the first time in a long time he had real friends. In Sunnydale his life had revolved round her, Buffy. He'd given up everything for her, up now she wasn't his everything. Sometimes she used to wonder what Angel would have done when she died, whether he'd cope.  
  
It was a great rush to have someone who cared about you that much, who had little else in their life, he'd put her on a pedestal, and she had liked it. He'd never blamed her once for all the crap she put him through.  
  
But now, seeing him move on, have a true purpose, he didn't need her anymore. Angel had gone for over 80 years without any company friends, lovers or enemies. She hated that she wasn't part of his world, and hated herself for being so selfish, but she couldn't help it.  
  
She wanted to be the woman in his life. She'd seen first hand how closely knit Angel, Cordelia and Wesley were she wanted to be part of that. She'd grown away from her friends. Mostly cause she'd been so busy with Riley. That had never happened when she was dating Angel. She'd always had time for her friends and…Giles, and mom. She'd hardly seen her all year.  
  
Her mind drifted to Faith- could she have tried harder? She'd never really considered why Faith had joined Mayor Wilkens in the first place, she'd simply placed her in the enemy camp. She'd never realised Faith was so desperate for love and affection she'd be willing to get in from anywhere- even someone evil.  
  
Yes the Mayor had genuinely cared for her in his twisted way, and Faith had cared for him. She'd never really included Faith in the 'Scooby meeting' she hadn't mean to, but somehow she had pushed Faith out. Maybe Faith had been right about the deputy mayor when she killed him- it had been an accident there was no doubt about that, but because Faith always lived on the wild side, she hadn't taken it in the same way as Buffy...that's what had started all this off...  
  
Faith had understood her better than anyone else- except Angel, and now she'd alienated them both....typical Buffy, lash out first, regret later. She'd hurt them both so much, she remembered Faith's pleading eyes and tone when she begged her to listen...the cold threat of her voice when she told Faith if she attempted to apologise she would beat her to death- and she had meant it, she would have killed her- a human being...a living person. She would have crossed that line, the one which changed everything for Faith- even worse she would have killed her sister slayer.  
  
Despite everything that had happened between them they still shared a bond, which only slayers could fully be aware of, it was like seeing into yourself- something which Angel had always been able to do with her.  
  
Then there was the cop-lady- Kate. She obviously knew what Angel was, but how was he just telling people left right and centre what he was?! More to the point what did she have against Angel- it wasn't as if he'd tried to kill her...Kate had been serious about killing him with sunlight- but why?  
  
Despite her actions towards Angel, she was horrified Kate would try to do that, over-looking the fact she didn't know Kate or any of the circumstances surrounding them. Was Kate a potential love-interest gone sour? She didn't like that at all...  
  
Then Angel had said she was nobody- just a year ago, he would have said she was his everything- he had told her that more than once. He had loved her with his entire being, and only her, everything about this wonderful man he'd given to her- his love, trust, wisdom, understanding...now she was a nobody to him- an ex girlfriend, and it was her own fault. For once there was no one else to take the blame...it was a hard pill to take.  
  
Pausing for a moment she knew she had to apologise to Angel- he deserved that and so much more, but when she cautiously went outside the room. She couldn't stand them parting on bad terms, both he and Wesley were gone "Damn" she muttered, stalking off to her car. She would find him come hell itself...  
  
  
  
*****  
  
"You've got some nerve coming here Summers. I heard what you said to Angel, about you and Riley, well congrats, I'm SO happy for you, your having a brill relationship while Angel miserable, really I love that but forgive me if I don't jump for joy" said Cordy sarcastically, her voice biting. There was an extra coldness in her voice, Buffy realised now mad Cordy was with her "where do you get off being so selfish? This whole 'poor me, Angel left me, so I'll rip his heart to pieces' is REALLY low. It cut Angel up, just THINKING about leaving you..."  
  
"I don't need this Cordelia"  
  
"Oh I think you do, no else will tell you, I should have stayed in Sunnydale, I'd have told you before it came to this. You never used to be like this with Angel. What the hell has Angel done to deserve this kind of treatment. Everything he's done since he met you was for YOU. He knew you couldn't continue the relationship and you know it, sooner or later the no- touch rule would be ignored- and hello Angelus. He left for your safety, his sanity and he loved you so much he knows what happens to slayers so he wanted you to make the most of life, experience the things he could never give you and you throw his selfless sacrifice in his face. Do you have ANY idea what he's been through these past few months?!" demanded Cordy  
  
"Shut up, Cordelia," Buffy snapped, not turning around, tears were beginning to prick her eyes, she knew Cordy was right but a part of her brain refused to acknowledge this, denial-Buffy.  
  
"Why, can't handle somebody telling you the truth for a change? Can't stand to hear that you broke his heart, again? After everything he's done for you?" she went on. Cordelia's big brown eyes narrowed to furious slits, "This isn't your turf now, it's Angel's. God you have to be the most selfish bitch I've know. I thought I was bad....but what you said to him....."  
  
"That's none of your business, shut up Cordelia"  
  
"Can't stand a little criticism Buff? it's my business, I'm his friend Buffy. FRI-END, when you look out for someone- like Angel always did for you. If he hadn't helped Faith she would have carried on killing, you know that, you can't blame everything on Angel- in fact if I was him, I'd probably kill you" Cordy snapped  
  
"and how you figure that?"  
  
"You think you've had it rough. Life's shit Buff, get used to it. You think YOU'VE got a rough deal? Try being Angel, you crack in a minute. Okay so you had to stab Angel into Hell, got expelled, your mom chucked you out and you ran away, big wow, what about him he was the one in fucking Hell!!!! He was the one who had to suffer there, and you whine about your duty and stuff, what about never being able to see the sun? Never being able to even SEE YOURSELF? Having to drink blood, so you can survive another day to fight for someone's life, who you don't even know, so you can be beaten up and hurt, stabbed, shot, kicked, tortured, yeah he'd been tortured all in the name of saving innocents, to atone for something he didn't even do!!! That's what his life is.  
  
He saves people, their souls, their lives. That IS his life, you think you can't have a normal life?! Try having Angel's- he can't go to the Bronze or any other club or bar and dance, he can't fuck a new girlfriend twenty-four hours straight, he can't be out in daylight, he has to watch people he cares for grow old and die, knowing he can never join them, he hates himself for having to drink blood, I mean REALLY hates himself, he is a creature he loathes more than anything, he hates vampires, and he's one of them. Wherever he goes he feels an outsider, he's not a vampire- he's got a soul, but he's not a human.  
  
He can't go to Uni classes, have a proper job, moan or joke with us, or make new friends, he can't even date!! He lives with the memories of what Angelus did, he can remember EVERYTHING he did, every single minute, every single day of his immortal life and mortal life before he was turned, which was equally unpleasant, he's put up with every piece of crap you've given him, taken your abuse, does whatever you asked even pretending to be Angelus, then each time YOU go dumping him, cause the Slayer can't cope, GOD!! What about Angel huh? No matter now much you hurt him Angel still loved you,  
  
He's lost Doyle, he's dead, does that make you happy? Angel suffering, losing another friend? Kate wants to kill him after she found out about his vamp side. Wolfram Hart take every single opportunity to kill Angel, and are willing to stop at nothing to do it, then having to deal with Faith, who was completely psychotic, torturing Wesley, then when she finally cracks she turns to the only person, who really understood what she was going through.  
  
You never understood, you've 'never murdered anyone'!! Yeah I heard what you said!! How could you be such a cold heartless bitch Buffy?!?  
  
If you'd been more understanding she wouldn't be in prison, she wouldn't have come after Angel, Wesley wouldn't be injured, Angel wouldn't want to kill himself right now, and we'd be enjoying a quiet evening in!! You should never have come here at all, it wasn't anything to do with you, and YOU told HIM to stay away then YOU COME AND RIP HIS HEART TO PEICES?!? I thought you loved him!" The last words stung Buffy as though her former classmate had slapped her, and she felt her anger run away like a mouse chased by a hungry cat.  
  
But Cordelia wasn't even close to finished. She stalked over to where the Slayer stood and glowered down at her, a perfectly manicured finger stabbing Buffy's chest.  
  
"He came back from Hell for you. He stood by you when you pushed him away. He fought beside you no matter how much it killed him to even be close to you," she was working herself into a righteous frenzy now,  
  
"He would die for you! In fact, he has! More than once! He's given up everything for you! But is that enough to get you to treat him with even a shred of the respect he deserves? NO! NO, NOT FOR BUFFY THE PERFECT! YOU HAVE COME HERE AND TRASH ALL OF HIS HARD WORK WITH FAITH, AND THEN-- THEN YOU RUB YOUR CORNFED NO-BRAINS BOYFRIEND IN HIS FACE WHEN HE'S TRYING TO HELP FAITH, WHICH I MIGHT ADD IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!" Cordelia was genuinely screaming, now. Other tenants in the building had begun to gather in a chattering cluster outside the office door, whispering to each other, gazing at the two women.  
  
" YOU KNOW HE CAN'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE THINGS he WANTS MORE THAN ANYTHING" the tall brunette got in the smaller, but infinitely stronger, woman's face, which was frozen in a mask of utter shock and horror, at this everyone stared at Buffy "what a bitch!" one woman muttered, the crowd all echoed that statement, from the sound of it the blond woman had really mess the Angel guy around. "YOU MAKE ME ....SICK! HOW CAN YOU TREAT HIM LIKE THAT? HOW?!?" Cordelia demanded, tears flowing down her face, Buffy couldn't even look at Cordelia.  
  
During this argument Angel sat in the kitchen of his apartment, brooding and fuming at the same time. he wanted to lash out something...anything to relive the stress, his failure and anger. He couldn't believe Buffy's nerve telling him to stay away, then coming back messing up his work with Faith. Angel couldn't turn anyone away who wanted help.  
  
He and Faith understood each other, so he could help her, Faith needed that.  
  
She would crumble if people started attacking her now. Buffy had no right in coming here, he was truly sorry Faith had slept with Riley and for the hurt she had caused but he couldn't allow Buffy to kill Faith, he would protect Faith with his life it came down to it.  
  
He knew Faith wanted to be helped, she wasn't truly evil- she had a soul and therefore she had a chance. He wanted to help Faith, she was worth helping, and if she needed help again he would help her, even if Buffy hated him. he couldn't pick and chose who to help because his ex girlfriend threw a hissy-fit.  
  
He was so sick of her attitude problem, REALLY sick of it, at this moment he hated Buffy, not Angelus's obsessive, murderous hate, but hate with perfect clarity, there was nothing influencing him this time, it was his own emotions - nothing more.  
  
Didn't he have enough to cope with?, Kate had become his enemy, Wolfram Hart were more dangerous than ever, Faith needed him, and now Buffy.  
  
If it hadn't have been for Wesley Angel knew he would have cracked. Cordy had come back early, hearing what had happened. She'd told him if he wanted to talk she was there. he knew he was lucky to have Cordy and Wesley, they'd never let him down.  
  
Angel was so busy with his thoughts, that at first he didn't hear the voices in the corridor, but they got louder and louder, it was mainly Cordy's voice and she was practically screaming, though she clearly wasn't in pain, it was a furious scream. Wondering what was going on he stepped out to voices and froze at the sight that met his eyes,  
  
Cordy was standing outside to doorway, with various residents coming out to see what all the noise was about, and Buffy was standing opposite Cordy, not daring to look in Cordy's eyes, her gaze firmly fixed on the floor. Angel could tell how upset Cordy was, Angel was surprised she wasn't trying to rip Buffy's eyes out, quite frankly. "What's happening Cordy?," Angel's soft voice sounded like a bare whisper after Cordy's ranting, so neither woman initially noticed his appearance.  
  
"I OUGHT TO..." Cordelia went on.  
  
Angel stepped quickly between them, "CORDELIA! STOP IT!!" he shouted, a sudden silence fell. Cordy started as if Angel had struck her, and took a step back, turning round to face Angel, tears running down her cheeks. She could tell Angel wasn't mad with her, but the look in Angel's eyes when he saw Buffy made Cordy want to slap Buffy, she was causing him so much pain just being there.  
  
Couldn't she just leave him alone? "Don't do this Cordy, you'll only hurt yourself" he said gently, his voice soothing. "I know you're only trying to help, but I have to handle this myself, take the rest of the week off, with pay. Go with Wes and have some fun" Angel urged.  
  
"Oh no mister. I known that trick, you're in pain, and me and Wes aren't going anywhere. We're your friends" she said, emphasising the 'friends' mainly for Buffy's benefit.  
  
Buffy still didn't look up, she was too ashamed and scared. She truly felt like an outsider. Angel belonged here with Cordy and Wesley, they were family, she didn't live in LA anymore and felt uncomfortable.  
  
"Thanks Cordy" he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead  
  
"I don't want you to be in pain and have no one to talk to and Buffy causing you the most pain..." Angel gave her a small smile, silently reminding her that if there was anything he knew how to handle, it was pain. Reaching out she wrapped her arms round Angel and hugged him tight "Angel, your like a brother to me, please just come to me and Wes if you need to talk.  
  
The door's always open. We'll be there whenever your ready and we're not leaving" Angel smiled at her, she was right, they were like family now, he, Cordy and Wesley and could always count on them. Giving Angel one last squeeze she pulled away smiling understandably, then glared at Buffy "if you upset him once more I'll give your something to REALLY cry over" Cordy hissed in Buffy's ear, meeting Buffy's eyes dead on.  
  
To her horror Buffy realised this was no empty threat – there was real hatred and venom in that threat. She had experienced Cordelia's sharp tongue and tactlessness before, but this was unlike anything she had known about Cordelia before, if she hadn't been so horrified she would have been impressed by Cordelia's brutal honesty  
  
She squeezed Angel's hand in reassurance, then shoved past Buffy, without giving her a backwards glance please don't let her get to you Angel she prayed silently.  
  
Angel stood, staring after her, not ready to turn around just yet. "Angel..." Buffy said weakly from behind him. In that same old way she had-- like a question instead of a statement, and his heart wrenched like it always did at the sound.  
  
Only this time, instead of giving in to the almost irresistible urge to comfort her, he hardened himself against the agony apparent in her voice. Standing tall and taking a deep breath, he turned to look once more at his One True Love. She was stunning, as usual.  
  
Casually but elegantly dressed in a long, wine-coloured cotton sundress, her blonde tresses crammed carelessly into one of a billion clips he knew she kept stashed in her top bureau drawer. He crushed yet another thought that suggested familiarity with her.  
  
This woman was no one that he knew... no one that he loved. He was no longer certain who his heart and soul belonged to, but he knew it wasn't her.  
  
"What do you want, Buffy?" he asked coldly. He had been about to ask what he could do for her, but those days were long past, now.  
  
She'd made it perfectly clear that she neither wanted, nor needed, his help any longer. "I... I just..." she cast her eyes down at the floor, unable to bear the emptiness in his eyes. Anger, she could have understood... would have deserved, and been able to handle. If he hated her, or cursed her, it would hurt, but she knew she had it coming. She was ready for it. What she wasn't prepared for was this... this nothing, coming off him in cold waves.  
  
"Can we... talk? I mean... somewhere private?" She asked, her voice small and pleading. Angel stared at her, recalling the look of pure rage on her face when she'd found him hugging Faith, trying to comfort her in the aftermath of being attacked, again.  
  
She hadn't come to help Angel, she'd come for vengeance against Faith and had taken her fury out on Angel, blaming him for everything wrong in her life, as usual. This time he was sick of it. Sick of the way she constantly expected him to take her criticism, to bound back to her like a faithful puppy. he had a different life now, he was starting to make something of it. he had friends, something he'd never had before in Sunnydale.  
  
They were both different now. He was more confident, more self-assured. He was sick of everyone putting everything onto his shoulders, he had enough to cope with. Buffy on the other hand had grown colder.  
  
Even Willow had agreed to that, Buffy was so wrapped up in Riley, she hadn't bothered with her friends.  
  
That had never been a problem when they were dating, Buffy found time for her friends, slaying and being with Angel.  
  
Probably cause Angel got on well with her friends, and didn't demand attention. She was more cynical, more like Faith, she'd grown up, but in a bad way.  
  
He couldn't help leaving, hadn't she seen it was impossible for them to be together, it had been driving them crazy, being so close yet not able to touch. he knew she hated him for leaving her, but what could he have done?  
  
And what would have happened to all the people he had helped in LA? LA was his home now, and Cordy and Wesley were his family, he was getting some good connections as well, Kate before she deserted him, but she had given him several contacts before.  
  
"Look Buffy, things have changed, we've both changed, and I'm sick and tired of your new attitude" Angel said angrily  
  
"I know how hard it is for you, but it's hard for everyone OK? You've changed Buffy, and not in a good way, you're colder, more distant, don't bother lying. Willow told me, she's too nice to say it to your face, your not even bothering with your friends. Your so wrapped up in your new relationship, you haven't even noticed what going on around you! Willow's in a new and scary relationship with a girl, she'll have a hell of a lot of prejudice to fight, Xander gets stick cause he's not at Uni, he's out earning, doing jobs so people at Uni can have fun. Giles feels completely useless, having being sacked from both jobs, and the Intuitive taking care of all the demons, when did you become so blind?"  
  
"so you know everything about my friends huh?" she snapped back, humiliated he knew what was going on when he wasn't even there "it's not hard Buffy, it pretty obvious if you open your eyes"  
  
"and this is coming from the guy who tried to KILL my friends?!"  
  
"It's a good job Angelus isn't here right now, he wouldn't be as understanding as I am. He sees you as HIS property, and wouldn't be too happy about Riley, or your behaviour" he growled, feeling the demon rise. Angel let it  
  
we need to teach Buffy a lesson Angelus. You game?  
  
I'm game  
  
grinned Angelus, fully enjoying what would come next "look schoolgirl, Angel was getting pissed off, so he asked me to look after you for a while. I don't have time for this, go back to Sunnyhell., fuck your boyfriend senseless, it seems the only thing you can do now. Soul-boy told you he was more forgiving, and more tactful. I'm neither.  
  
I'm gonna tell you something Angel would have but he's too much of a gentleman, but your a slut. When Angel or even I was around you didn't flirt with other guys, but as soon as he's gone, what did it take two hours? And you were sleeping with another guy? Tsk. Was he that good Buff, that you couldn't resist him? I would have thought you'd learnt your lesson, most guys up and leave, Angel's different, in all fairness, so are Xander, Oz Wesley, Giles, god, even Spike has a sense of chivalry!  
  
Their all gentlemen. Parker? He's a seducer, a user and you fell for the oldest trick in the book, God you must have been desperate! Then Riley..." Angelus was laughing now, fully enjoying Buffy's discomfort, for once she truly deserved it.  
  
Angel was a part of him, and as much as he disliked his alter ego, he looked out for him, and Buff had hurt them both.  
  
"How was it? fucking him twenty four hours straight? Was it true you physically couldn't stop or was he so good you didn't want to?" he asked, grinning at her "I know pretty much everything that goes on in Sunnydale girl, so don't mess me around. Tell me the truth, was he that good?" Angelus demanded harshly, taking her had in his hand and jerking it up at his, forcing Buffy look at him.  
  
Her fear was growing, she was face to face with Angelus, a jealous and angry Angelus, with no weapons. "Angel would come to help you normally from the evil Angelus's clutches, but he was the one who asked me here. "He deliberately let me take control.  
  
We can merge now y'know. I can be myself but not murder people, cause I have some of Angel's soul, but I don't take the crap he does. You've messed him about once too often. If I was Angel I'd have grabbed you the moment you came here and fucked you so hard wouldn't even be able to remember what the bastard Farmboy looks like" he growled. Buffy backed away slightly.  
  
But Angelus moved forward, his moves like a predatory cat, grabbing her arm. "I think we should test that theory, see who's a better lay, then you can see if your boyfriend is really a boyfriend or just a sex-toy, and a pretty crap one at that." Angelus grinned evilly, the prospect of laying the slayer was almost too good to miss, but he knew Angel would give him holy hell if he did once he returned.  
  
Look, Choirboy, I think you should take her, right here. It's the only way you'll get her back, there's only so much I can do, she'll never sleep with me- she loves you, and don't give me all the crap that she needs a normal life. She will NEVER be normal, but you run off because her Mommy and a psycho mayor tell you to, that's pathetic- you're pathetic! You really want her with Riley, kissing her, touching her, fucking her, cause I sure don't! I hate to admit it but you've actually got good taste in somethings, Buffy's one of the. Think about it, slayer she may be but she's human. How many slayers have I killed?  
  
32 in total, not something I want to be reminded of  
  
my point is, she could run into a demon worse than me, she's gonna die a whole lot sooner without you, plus all that free fucking the slayer, has potential huh? You realise how many vamps are gonna envy you, having the complete love and trust of the slayer, she'll never kill you, nor will any other slayer, I'm not gonna go round murdering and ravishing innocents anymore, but I can convince people you lost your soul, just think of all the vamps reactions when they think you're me and the slayer's allowing you to willing fuck her....more to the point, think of that bastard farmboy- Riley Finn, think of his face!!!  
  
I can't-  
  
for fuck's sake Angel! You can't lose your soul now, you now. Regrettably I wouldn't kill or harm Buffy, her friends or family. I won't harm Queen C or Wussy, together as Angel and Angelus we're stronger, I'm not gonna fed off people, I drink pig's blood like some pussy-whipped whuse, all I ask is that you go and fucking claim the slayer as yours! Spike was right, smart bastard, he can see it, I can why can't you?! I've seen and felt your dreams Angel, this is what you want, long for. Buffy is your equal- our equal. She's your mate for life, you've branded her as yours, ruined her for any other man, so why worry, just take her, make her yours- fuck her into the next universe. I know you can for fuck's sake!!  
  
Angelus explained inside Angel's head, he could feel Angelus grinning, he knew Angel was weakening, he could feel it. Deep down he knew Angelus was right, he and Angelus were one and the same now they had been merged, and he knew because of that he couldn't lose his soul, perhaps a night of unrestrained love-making was the answer, he also knew if anyone knew how to be good in bed, it was Angelus  
  
I can't hold her back...besides she doesn't want me-  
  
oh really? C'mon Angel, you really think she ENJOYS herself with Farmboy, I beg to differ. You have control over her, you know if you kiss her and she's yours, and would you let Spike touch her? You liked hearing what Parker did to your precious slayer- still want her to have a normal life? One where guys leave her, boyfriends can die cause they can't protect themselves, slayers die of heart break ? Besides if you don't get fucking her I fucking well will- she should really be a good lay-  
  
don't you even think about it you bastard, you touch Buffy and you'll regret it!  
  
well then, bring it on choirboy, show the princess you love her, or I WILL take her  
  
Angelus warned, there was no joking in this voice, Angel knew he would do it. Without giving Angel to chance to answer, or Buffy the chance to move, Angelus began stalking towards Buffy "the choirboy and I just had a talk, he'll be back in a few minutes,  
  
I think you owe him a big apology for being such a slutty bitch don't you? Of course if you wanna run home to Fishboy, if your THAT desperate" he grinned, Buffy immediately turned, ready to leave, she just wanted to get out, she was actually scared, of Angelus- and even more of herself.  
  
He knew about woman- about her.  
  
He always sparked sensuality either as Angel or Angelus, but as Angelus it was more obvious, she realised her resolve would be gone if she stay and she's be open to anything he wanted to do to her, but she had Riley now – Riley who had betrayed her with Faith, who had gone psycho without drugs to government had given me....she wanted Angel. She wanted him to hold her, promising it would be alright, no one would harm her, or betray her...but Angel wasn't here- Angelus was.  
  
"Looks like good old Angel's abandoned you."  
  
He smirked, as if reading her very thought, she found the unsettling...yet some how comforting at the same time  
  
"He never would have before would he, can't say I blame him though. So looks like you're stuck with me, and I don't think you'll be leaving any time soon"  
  
At that Buffy's eyes rounded with fear and defiance, no one intimidated the slayer! "oh really? What are you going to do? Kill me? Stalk me, lock me in- cause that's the only way you'll get me to stay" she said, with a lot more conviction than she felt, she was lying, she wanted nothing more than to stay here forever, but if she didn't get out now she never would, his voice was so sensual and hypnotic it was taking all her strength to tune him out. Angelus laughed softly.  
  
"Nice try Buffy, if I wasn't a vampire I might have believed you- but your body gives you away – your lying. You want to stay here more than anything, I can smell you, your almost begging for it, and your heart beats faster when you lie- I can hear that too. Anyway as far as killing you goes, that honestly hadn't crossed me mind- yet. I wasn't not going to hurt tonight, well...unless you were bad girl.  
  
Wussy and the Princess are perfectly safe. They know about the merge and that I can take charge for a while, they also know Angel can become dominant whenever he wants if I tried anything....besides it would be so quiet without them.  
  
Actually there not too bad to have around, especially Cordelia- that girl knows how to dress" he smirked, lust clear in his eyes. Buffy felt fury welling in her...she left Angel for a few months and he was having twelve girls a night?! Cordelia?!?! She remembered how desperately Cordelia had tried to get Angel to date her, but he'd only had eyes for her back then....it had been the same for her.  
  
They hadn't bothered looking at other people, they'd had each other, how there was just Buffy the Slayer, empty and alone, with Riley Finn- her normal, demon hunting, human boyfriend, who had betrayed her....unintentionally – or was it? Angel would have known it wasn't her, why didn't Riley? She cared for him, he genuinely hadn't known it was Faith- how could he? She couldn't betray Riley – it wouldn't be fair....but she wanted Angel... needed him, but Riley loved her....  
  
"worried you'll betray poor Riley?" he asked smirking. "You can't fool me lover.  
  
I can read you like a book, but if you wish you can run home to Riley, tell him how evil and cruel Angel is, tell him how much you're over Angel, try to convince yourself in the process. You're not over him- you never were, and you never will be so why bothering fighting it- or lying to yourself. You really love and trust Riley that much huh? You're willing to spend the rest of your life- however long it is being with Farmboy, fucking him, going on picnics, having his kids, and a white picket fence- you really want that?" he asked, his voice as smooth as velvet.  
  
He knew the affect he was having on her, he stepped closer, "you know none of friends like him, they don't trust him or the Initiative.  
  
You really wanna go back to the Iowa Cornball who am I to stop you?" grinning he moved to the door and opened it "feel free to walk out" hearing that, Buffy started walking, she had to get away from here, she was aching so much for his touch that if she had to listen to that velvety voice once more she would crumble.  
  
"Of course, you love Riley, he's exactly the kind of guy you want: kind, honest, HUMAN- big plus there, you can trust him, he knows you, he can even have kids with you and be in sunlight with you of course, how can he compared to a remorseful ancient, blood-drinking, lonely ensouled vampire WHAT was I thinking?!" Angelus was unable to stop the very slight bitter tinge in his otherwise smooth voice. Unable to hear more Buffy swept past him, trying desperately to not look at him.  
  
"course, it's not like Angel's THAT memorable...easy to pass up this offer, not really a contest....Riley or Angel in bed, pounding into you- hmmm tough huh? and I mean it's not like you're the only woman Angel's interested in" that comment made Buffy stop, she turned and looked at him, amazed  
  
"Angel's... dating, Cordy said he wasn't" she said defensively, feeling jealousy rise up within her,  
  
"oh come on! You REALLY think Angel's been celibate all this time?! Cordy's an actress for God sake- and a pretty good one- she wanted to make you sorry for what you did, what better way than making Angel's life sound pathetic You think he could remain celibate more to the point, you think girls would LET him?!? I tell ya, since we merged, it has been wild, that's why I'm letting you go, I'll just find another girl, since you've got Riley, it doesn't matter. It's a shame though- I think I'd have actually enjoyed it, I could have shown you so much, taken you to your absolute limits, and let you explore mine, remind you how Angel compares to Riley. You forget I wasn't called 'the one with the angelic face' for my charming nature. I've had more women in my bed than you can ever imagine, but unlike most, you would have meant something to me, but it doesn't matter I'll find another girl, shouldn't be too hard. Run along home to your boyfriend, I've got places to be, girls to meet.... I never realised how much girls like a guy in leather pants"  
  
As she reached the door, intending to open it Angelus moved towards her, he was right up against her, pressing into her, time to move in for the kill he thought grinned, he lowered his head, whispering in her ear "it's not like you love Angel is it? One taste of his cock and your over him- that's impressive." Angelus smirked.  
  
"It could've been fun, hell it could've been the best night of our lives, but I guess we'll never know. You better run home to your boyfriend, I've got things to do, girls to fuck, I could say it's been good seeing you again, but we both know that's a big lie. Well see ya later, don't let the door hit you on your way out" he said, his expression was one of indifference and without a second's glance pushed passed a stunned Buffy, leaving her in the room alone.  
  
Angel had actually left her, he was actually going out, she felt jealousy and heart break well up inside her.  
  
Angel or Angelus should be hers! He'd never looked at any other woman when they were together- although he could have had any woman he wanted...even when Angel first turned to Angelus he had flirted with Drusilla, baited Spike suggesting they were together, but he had never slept with her or any other girl, so Spike had told her.  
  
Even as Angelus he had been faithful-and she had betrayed him – twice, with Parker and Riley. Suddenly she felt dirty for having let them touch her...she belonged to Angel- and Angelus, she bore his mark...if she hadn't been so cruel and pig-headed, she could have been making love to Angel right now, but after the way she had treated Angel...  
  
What upset her most was Angel hadn't come back either, he left her with Angelus, he didn't care...she'd thrown away the most treasured thing in her life. but the stupid idiot and she'd been so angry and stupid to realise, she had thrown away what she wanted the most, Angelus had offered it to her on a sliver plate and she was too stupid to take it She wanted to hit herself.  
  
She couldn't go back to Riley- not now. She cared about him, but couldn't trust him again, as for love? She loved Xander more! She didn't want to lose her connections with the Initiative, but she couldn't simply date Riley to get information.  
  
Everyone had suffered through her relationship with Riley- she hurt herself, Riley, Angel, Giles, Willow, Xander...everyone. She'd been so wrapped up in Riley she'd ignored her friends, when OZ left she'd barely paid attention to Willow and was mortified, what kind of friend was she?!  
  
Giles and her mom had been practically ignored all year, Xander...poor Xander he didn't go to college and was forgotten, so what if he didn't carry on learning? He was her friend, and she had abandoned him.  
  
Maybe that's why her friends didn't recognise her when she switched bodies with Faith- because they didn't know the real Buffy anymore.  
  
She'd lied to Riley- made him believe she loved him, she cared for him certainly but it wasn't even the deep friendship she shared with Xander. Worst of all she'd hurt Angel- thrown her relationship with Riley in his face, made him believe she didn't love him – care about him, when it was the exact opposite. It had never been this way with Angel, no one had been left out, she couldn't remember the last time she had messed around with Willow and Xander, trained with Giles or even talked to her Mom. That would stop right now. They were all so important to her, and she would make sure they knew it as soon as she got back, but first she had to deal with Angel/Angelus.  
  
She loved Angel with all her being, she loved every part of him, even Angelus,  
  
now that they were bonded he would be in no danger of losing his soul, it was obvious Angelus didn't want to harm her, or he would have done so. She was at a crossroad, she had a choice- go home and back to Riley, stay in LA and get Angel/Angelus back.  
  
Suddenly she made up her mind, she wanted Angel back, no matter what she had to do, if she had to beg or walk through hell itself, she would get him back. Riley was an idiot, but she was even worse for taking this long to recognise it.  
  
Without stopping she bolted out of the room, determined to find Angel. She didn't have to look at all he was at the end of the corridor, leaning casually against a wall.  
  
Angelus was at the end of the corridor, leaning causally against the wall, smoking a cigarette. Buffy hated smoking and vowed she'd never date a smoker.  
  
She took a deep breath and walked toward Angelus, who seemed oblivious to her presence. Then suddenly he smiled "slayer" he greeted her, with a cocky grin. "What are you doing here huh? Thought you'd have run off to your Farmboy by now. Come to tell me how much you hate me?" he queered smoothly.  
  
"No, I...." she paused, wondering what to say I'm hear to beg you to forgive me and to ask you to take me to your bedroom and make love to me till I can't breath? Sure that's really easy to say, especially after what I said to him at the station  
  
"I...I came to say I'm sorry for what I said, I....I know I've changed and I don't like it. I was in a lot a of pain, Riley had betrayed me, and it wasn't the first time, my friends didn't even realise it wasn't me, and to see you-Angel hugging the girl who'd ruined me 'perfect' life was more than I could take. I don't have a perfect life, it sucks. I don't want Riley and picnics and fairy tales. I...I don't want to go back to Riley" she admitted softly.  
  
Angelus looked at her, seemly unconcerned, and dropped the cigarette on the floor, stubbing it out. "I don't love him, I don't even like him. I only stayed with him out of habit, then when he cheated on me...I hated him, and Faith"  
  
"well you certainly gave that impression to Faith, as for Riley, strangely Angel was lead to believe you cared for Riley I wonder why that was?" he said sarcastically.  
  
"I never wanted to hurt you, you were the last person I ever wanted to hurt. I still care about you"  
  
"You've got a strange way of showing it, why didn't you just stake him? It'd be less painful?" he snapped, he wasn't going to let her off easily, she should have realised that but he was beginning to wonder if it would be better to give and just take her back to his bed....it definitely was appealing to say the very least. "I don't love Riley, I don't trust him and I don't like him. I still love you, I've always loved you" she said quietly, gazing at his face, while praying to every God and power that he didn't laugh at her or rebuff her.  
  
She couldn't handle him rejecting her now. She needed him so much. At that Angelus looked at her hard, there was absolute truth in what she had just said. He could always tell if someone was lying, Buffy wasn't despite himself he felt relief wash over him, "I was always yours, please make me yours again" she whispered.  
  
She was close to him now.  
  
Angelus didn't hesitate. he pulled Buffy into his arms and kissed her fiercely, slipping his tongue into Buffy's mouth, caressing it. Buffy responded eagerly, she'd longed for his touch for so long now. She ran her fingers through his hair, savouring the kiss.  
  
"so no one will be maimed or killed tonight, but you will be mine tonight- and I am going to take you to your limits, remind you of what your missing out on, then you can make a balanced judgement – Angel Vs Farmboy."  
  
Before she could move his expression changed subtly, becoming more predatory, as his mouth closed over hers again. Angelus knew how to make her blood sing. I warned you Angel, she's mine for the night now His lips skilfully nipped hers, making her want more of what he was offering. She couldn't help but respond. When she willingly opened up to him his tongue swept into her mouth, teasing hers gently, playfully inviting hers to play along. For moments on end he stayed at her lips, their tongues engaged in mock battle.get off her! I warned you not to touch her!  
  
and what did I warn YOU Choirboy? You want her, come and take her- claim her! fine man you are SO gullible, I was trying to help you, if I hadn't kissed her you wouldn't have taken over- enjoy her choirboy, we've got our woman back, despite himself Angel grinned,  
  
I guess I owe you Angelus  
  
you do. You can pay me by allowing me to be with you in this session. I'll help it make it memorable she'll won't be able to go back to Farmboy- that's a promise, and I keep my word  
  
fine. Deal  
  
  
  
They eventually pulled away, Angelus smirked at her "I want to be able to show you the true meaning of physical love. When you can't even think straight...ever felt that with Riley?"  
  
she could only shake her head.  
  
"didn't think so. Every single night since I returned from hell, I wanted you, wanted you to be mine. When I left you- of which I had no choice, unless you wanted us to go mad from not being able to touch, it was even worse, then the pain began to easy, but you came back only for ten minutes but I was a wreak for days, I never stopped loving you. It killed me to know what had happened over Parker, that you was sleeping with Riley. I hated him, I hated you for dating him, but mostly I hated myself for leaving you. Letting Riley be able to touch you, when I wanted to so badly" he whispered, kissing her again,  
  
She kissed him back. She could feel his love of the fight and her resistance to what he was doing. She felt his rising passion. It was obvious to her that he was finding her incredibly erotic! Unable to resist the body of her lover she moaned and tried to rub against him. He could feel her rising passion and could smell her arousal increasing, spiralling almost out of control fuelled by his feelings and sensations.  
  
She raised up and placed a kiss on his cheek, near his ear and then whispered, "All I could think about when I was with Riley was you. I wanted it to be you touching and kissing me, not Riley. With Riley there's no fire, no attraction. I hated it in the frat house, not being able to stop touching him, I wanted to stop, but I couldn't the only way to could cope it pretending as much as I could Riley was you, you touching me, kissing me...going where no other man should go....  
  
Riley never would have in normal circumstances, but the forces were too powerful...I couldn't stop" Buffy began crying now, she hated the memories, hated the fact she had had to sleep with Riley because of the vengeful sprits of some sexually repressed teens!!  
  
Seeing the tears fall down her face, Angelus automatically wrapped his arms round her, he had no idea how she had really felt, he knew there were forces as powerful as she talked about "I'm so sorry for how I treated you. I just saw you hugging Faith, after she'd been using my body like she had, hurting my friends-"  
  
"sleeping with your boyfriend?" interjected Angelus, a jealous tinge in his voice, he couldn't believe Buffy would actually care about that piece of greased chicken...."no it wasn't her sleeping with Riley, I had no intention of sleeping with him, but she made my body do it, I couldn't stop her, but what really hurt me, was that Riley didn't know it wasn't me, b- because I know you would always be able to tell it was me, no matter who's body I was wearing, and he-he couldn't I don't know if he knew it wasn't me and just slept with Faith because he knew that was the closest he'd ever get o me voluntarily"  
  
"I...I just needed to lash out at someone, I was so hurt, and so angry, and you were the first person I saw. Angel...none of what I said is true, my relationship with Riley isn't new and exciting I don't trust him after Faith" she said with a slightly urgent tone, desperate for him to realise this. "I never want to hurt you, but I do- I...I'll understand if you hate me and want me to leave, but I just want you to know I was lying" she whispered "I...I had no idea" he whispered quietly "I thought you were in love with Riley, that's why were so upset, and you slept with him" admitted Angel, Buffy looked at him incredulously  
  
"Angel....there's only one man I've truly loved, that I would willingly make love to, and he's standing right in front of me...how could you even think I could ever love that Farmboy" she smiled through her tears, Angel smiled back "I wondered that too, Buffy I don't hate you, yeah it hurt what you said, but I understand. I still love you, I always will no matter what happens." He held her closer, bending his head and kissed her gently  
  
"I love you" she whispered against his lips.  
  
At that, Angelus scooped Buffy up into his arms, and carried her the short distance to the apparent. He wanted Buffy and he would have her! He carried her to the bedroom and gently placed her on the bed. He may be Angelus, Scourge of Europe but he wasn't about to hurt or degrade Buffy, he wanted to protect her, and he would.  
  
TBC… 


End file.
